Gwen’s Little Spot

The mental scribblings and daily doings of one transgender woman, writer, and activist, with content somehow deemed good enough to win a 2004 “Queery“ award.

Thursday, May 08, 2008

Posted: 8:42:00 AM
“I want everything to be ‘sparklicious’”

I wrote up this big, long, somewhat whinge-y post yesterday, and then lost it in a dramatic copy/paste disaster. Emergency crews from five different counties were called in. Honestly, you did not want to read it anyway. I know I didn’t.

I had a good meeting inworld the other day with another, major content creator. I’ll be working with her team on a build for a major university. It’s all pay on completion, and the ink is still wet on the contract, so this is still some time off yet. My primary business partner also has a couple big contracts in the pipeline. This is a good thing but, too, is not gonna happen right away. I was also having a wee bit of a crises of faith last night, being unsure if I’d even be able to pull of the particulars with the university job.

The position I’m gunning for is one I’ve been told many times will require some poking and patience to get, with 12 weeks from tendering a résumé being considered typical — and a high tendency for cracks to be fallen into.

All the while, things continue to get interesting — in a Chinese curse sort of way — in my day job. Not much I can really share, however.

I’ve been tired this week, too. While I still have a hot spark in my hands, my body is largely disagreeing with the use of same. I now know the origin of the phrase “bone tired,” as I’ve been feeling weariness that deep below the flesh. Yesterday evening, I could hardly move, as my right hip had all-but-seized. Not good.

Cheers,
Gwen

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Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Posted: 7:43:00 AM
Time Sheets for No One

I am so beat today. I feel like I could sleep for days. I knew I pushed it this weekend, but I had no idea how much!

Anyway, timesheets and reports await. We seem to be nearly caught up here at the ol’ day job, which might mean some down time this afternoon. Keep your fingers crossed. Of course, this means I’ll simply spend that time prepping content for some mock advertisements for one of my Second Life clients. That's the fun stuff, though.

Been having an odd problem with one of my web clients, too. I’m seeing all their content updated, but they’re still seeing the old version. I’m assuming they must have a heck of a cache on their side of things.

One of these days, soon, I need to do some webwork for myself. I’m very, very behind on posting my Transmissions columns!

Now, on to timesheets. Tra la.

Cheers,
Gwen

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Monday, May 05, 2008

Posted: 12:25:00 PM
You’ve got to hide your lag away

Lesee...

We did the provision run as per usual, but with an added stop at the annual Mustang Show and Shine. While I am a dyed in the tuck-and-roll vinyl Rambler kind of girl, I always wanted a ‘66 ‘stang as a kid — and given that this show is all of a mile from home, how could I not take a peek!

Shoe photos will come later, I hope. They’re on my camera still. Take my word for it, there were some nice looking cars. There was a gorgeous, fully restored 1968 California Special Mustang that caught my eye and would not let go. Bon noticed that said vehicle was gold with a white top, which might explain the fascination.

I do have to wonder what the market thinks of some of our purchases: amongst other items we had tortillas, chilies, kosher salt, macaroons, gumbo file, and greens. Why stick to one cultural dining option?

I spent much of the rest of the weekend talking. Well, typing, but after more than a decade of newsgroups, AOL chat rooms, bulletin board systems, weblogs, instant messaging, and talking in Second Life, it feels as natural as utterances across lips. I was mostly talking to current and (hopefully) future contacts about a job I’m eyeing.

Speaking of workstuff, Bon asked me more than a couple times this weekend when I might be giving my notice. I think she’s serious! It’s put me in the surprising position of being the one who is defending my current job. Ironic, perhaps, but I tend to have a strong leaning towards loyalty. I don’t understand it either.

Meanwhile, have I mentioned that k.d. lang has some new music out? I positively love her cover of Hallelujah. It makes me swoon. Then again, she has a tendency to do that to me. She simply has such a beautiful voice!

Oh, and one more thing. http://twitter.com/gwenners. Anyone else?

Cheers,
Gwen

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Friday, May 02, 2008

Posted: 7:33:00 AM
I’ve been to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eBGIQ7ZuuiU, but I've never been to me

Ya, so given how many actual content posts I’ve had this week, why not a couple links to end the week. You know, for fun. On Friday. What a novel concept.

And hey, here’s a thought. Let’s start it off with someone who did something really dumb. I know, I’ll call them an asshat, just for fun. I’m thinking of, oh, anyone who bought this watch. Because when you’re going to pay that kind of money, it had better tell time.

Now the fun:

• Some old favorite Kids in the Hall. I wish I had a downloadable copy of this.

• The Nightstalker had custom stationary?

• Death of a meme... or a beginning?

• A wise concept, well worth a ponder

• One very cool Mac Mini

And that’s that, at least for now! Have a good weekend!

Cheers,
Gwen

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Thursday, May 01, 2008

Posted: 3:10:00 PM
Short sharp shock

I don’t know where it came from, but this afternoon, I have felt more energy in me than I have in years. Felt like I was gonna blow the light bulbs, ya know?

Cheers,
Gwen

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Posted: 11:52:00 AM
Programming note

I’ve discovered my feed solution, and am moving this blog to a different, more reliable RSS solution. As has happened before, I expect this to end up duplicating content from this blog into various places — most notably LiveJournal and Facebook.

This should be the last time I’ll have to do this in a Good Long While.

The feed address? feed://www.gwensmith.com/weblog/rss.xml or feed://www.gwensmith.com/weblog/atom.xml

Make a note of it, as they said on 411.

Cheers,
Gwen

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Posted: 9:57:00 AM
“Where would we be if we didn’t follow the correct procedures?”

I should be typing right now. Come to think of it, I am — I’m just on break. It’s Beltane, and historically I’ve taken the day off. I didn’t get the chance this year and, when I think about it, I’ve not gotten much of a chance over the last two years to take off the days I’ve typically taken off.

For the record, those days would be April 16th, May 1st, May 23rd, July 22nd, October 31st, and November 20th. That’s two birthdays, and anniversary, two religious holidays, and the Transgender Day of Remembrance.

Last night, Bon asked me a question, “have you given your notice yet?”

I told her I hadn’t — as if she would not be amongst the first to know. I’m gun shy of just up and leaving without at least something to back me up. I have the Second Life content building, but as someone who has freelanced for more than a decade, I know what a cycle of feast or famine that can be. I want something a bit more stable than that, ya know?

That’s why I keep doing this job, typing my day away with stories of weldments and concrete slumps, on reports that will be forgotten as soon as they’re processed and sent. It feels very dystopian, like a cut scene from Brazil staged within my cubicle.

It all comes down to a paycheck. That, to me, is something sad. I feel a bit trapped into it, though. We’ve got to pay the rent, the bills, and all that.

Aside: I was trying to find a reference to put in there (about depriving an American of money causes them to act as a lunatic), but instead came across this classic bit of R.A. Wilson. He was a smart man. I wonder what he’d say about the passing of Albert Hofmann.

Bon, meanwhile made it clear last night. She doesn’t like to see me this stressed, this down, this exhausted.

Really the biggest issue with this place is that it is simply not a good fit for me. I can and do the job, but it lacks the ability to be creative. I cannot show my passion here. I can type — my high school typing teacher, Mr. Nissley would be shocked — but I can do so much more. I need more of a challenge. I need a position with some level of social interaction.

Ironically, my work-fu has been strong this week. All the while I fret over my résumé, firmly ensconced in a stack with a billion other people who are most likely as equally passionate as I am about the position.

Anyway, enough time on all that. It is Beltane, and while I did enjoy some time with a virtual bonfire last night, I am looking for more. The wheel turns, and I’m turning with it. It is a time to be bold, to cast off my doubts... and dance.

“And now I’m dancing, and all the blood in my body has turned to music.” — R. Cowell

Cheers,
Gwen

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Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Posted: 11:45:00 AM
Our god is the one god! Our god is the sun god! Ra Ra Ra!

Happy walpurgisnacht. May your bonfires burn brightly.

Cheers,
Gwen

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Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Posted: 11:35:00 AM
Piensa que tal vez mañana yo ya estare lejos, muy lejos de ti

For the last two weeks I’ve had the exact same earworm in my skull. “Besame Mucho,” as performed by Esquivel. It just won’t go. Yes, I know this isn’t the most common earworm fodder. I’ve never claimed normalcy.

Here’s a question for the social networking crowd. As well as this weblog, I’m on LiveJournal, Flickr, Facebook, MySpace, Friendster, and LinkedIn. I even have a Skype account, a YouTube account, and a long-forgotten AIM account. Are there any others I should consider? Is Twitter worth the twouble?

Yes, I know I can hardly keep up with just this!

This afternoon, I’m submitting my resume for a job I really want. One I would even say I’m well suited for. I have some good contacts within the company. I have strong knowledge and some history with their product. My skill set fits the position. Overall, it feels like a good fit.

But I also find myself a bit haunted. I recall all too well, at the end of 2005. I was in the running for a job that felt a perfect fit for me. Everything about it felt right. My resume was flawless. My first interview went stellar.

Then I waited. I called. I waited some more. Lather, rinse repeat — then finally word that they would not need me for a promised second interview after all. It was a big shooting down for me, probably one of the nails in the coffin that led me to wander the desert for a couple years.

Anyway, I worry about that happening again, and I do have a bit of fear about it. I would not turn down some words of encouragement!

Programming note: wanna see an interesting progression? Read my blog’s archives from, say, October 2005 until March 2006. Watch what happens! My, but I wish I had the time to write entries like some of those vintage ‘05 ones again. I need a better free feed for these too some day.

All this said, let’s end the post an a lighter note, of sorts. I’ve criticized the folly of ribbon magnets before, particularly given that they do nothing to actually support any troops: they’re primarily made in china, and all you are supporting is the manufacturer and distributor of said magnets. No soldier gets better body armor, more rations, or any other such needs. Likewise, those flag lapel pins — and heck, even many U.S. flags are made abroad.

I really had to laugh to find that it isn’t just U.S. flags being made in China. Apparently, some are making “free tibet” banners, perfect for protesting the Summer Olympic games, to be held in, um, China. Crazy ol’ world, some days.

Cheers,
Gwen

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